An open letter to my mother on finding a job

Dear mom,

I really appreciate you trying to help me find a job. I’m sure Starbucks is really missing out on their next barista all-star in not hiring me. I know I shouldn’t set my standards too high, but I think I can hold out a little bit longer for something suited for long-term and stable employment.

I will start by saying I’m sorry. I do not want to work in counseling. I do not want to be a grief counselor either. I do not want to work in a setting that, while rewarding, will compromise my own mental health. 

Furthermore, I do not wish to work with children. The few friends that will let me near their children will testify to the fact that they always return bruised after a casual visit with me (I can’t help it if they fall and get a black eye! But it does look bad on my part).

 Zelda's mom told her I was coming over today.

Notice those two statements and consider this possibility: I do not want to be a child therapist. Or a play therapist, or a sand tray therapist, et cetera. I know you want me to work with children because of all those years of babysitting I did in high school and how much fun I had. The difference now is that I do not have the swim club to babysit at or work in groups with all of my friends. I also charged $2 an hour – that alone is probably why I was so popular.

 I taught my nephew that a little butt-crack is okay to show off. Now he just needs a tramp stamp.

 

As for my mechanical skills: I am not the only kid who knew how to work a VCR. You gave me a little genius lee-way by saying that I put together a VCR in the 3^rd grade. I believe I got a VCR for my birthday in 7^th grade, and I “put it together” by hooking it up to a television set. I was also able to set the clock and record at specific times. I was able to do this based on one simple act that dad taught me: I read the instruction manual. So I do not consider mechanical engineering as a marketable skill; however, I am able to read and follow instructions.

You also mentioned that I wanted to be a writer. Writers do not make money unless they are really good. I never thought of writing as a means of employment. Photography, however, I really wanted to pursue.  Like writing, photography doesn’t pay much unless you are really good, or find a niche that no one else has hit on yet. My photography is mediocre in comparison to the professionals I know*. 

There are several reasons why my knowledge of German is not marketable. 1.) I took it in high school and college and today can barely understand German. 2.) Who speaks German, besides Germans inside Germany? 3.) The German language has the unintended association with Adolph Hitler. While I have a whole separate tirade on the overuse of comparing people, places, and things with Nazi Germany, it is a common (and unfortunate) association.

I need to take a minute to address my position at HopeLine. I was a volunteer coordinator, and was later recruited as the Interim Executive Director. I want to be very clear in the semantics. Interim. I only worked there three months. It was arduous work, and I usually worked 60-70 hours per week trying to regain grant funding and to set up volunteer training. I did not leave because of the callers. Taking calls was the easy part; taking calls and budgeting and recruiting volunteers and coming up with fundraising ideas and setting up speakers and dates all at the same time was a bit overwhelming.

Today was the last straw. I know you have every intention of being helpful.  But you had to go and bring my dead sister into this whole job-search-thing. And not even in a positive way! Since I am writing openly, I will disclose here that my sister was once fired from Kerr Drugs for unknown reasons. We have assumptions, and we can’t ask her why she was fired (or, in my mind, ask her if she really was fired?) I got a phone message from you this morning saying that you thought Kerr Drugs may be hiring for pharmacy technician positions. This is a legitimate referral, except for the fact that it is the same exact job and position that my sister was fired from, at the exact same store, and even though it was over ten years ago, I’m pretty sure it’s the same management. Even if I was able to get past the application and interview process, I would still be doing the same thing my sister was doing all those years ago. And that is kind of creepy.

In sum, I thank you for your help. I asked if you had any critiques of my résumé**, and you stated that it was geared toward Administrative or Office Management positions. The reason for this is because I am looking for a job in Administrative or Office Management. 

As always, I thank you so much for your overwhelming support while I am gainfully unemployed. I have never been so busy with all of these requests from friends and family for free work! I look forward to one day re-entering the workforce, in a job where I can have a salary and be able to use my cell phone from time to time. I do not know what I definitively want to be doing; I just know I do not want to be doing what got me here in the first place.

With love, kindness, and understanding,

Katie

*there are some photographers that should not be making money off of their misuse of expensive lenses; wide angle lenses are not intended to morph group shots of people into extended foreheads.

**for a copy of my résumé, please email katieallenwatson@gmail.com. Tell your friends!